dear “real” blog o’ mine, I’ve been a bit unfaithful to you, reveling in the silliness and spontaneity that is Tumblr much more often these days. why do I feel like your pages are only for ‘serious’ things? this isn’t the first time I’ve wondered the same thing.
The past few weeks have flashed by, unexpected and seemingly unreal. For all my attempts, I’ve been unable to articulate the emotions that surround my leaving Kansas City. Perhaps this is because I always struggle to identify, detangle, and analyze these mysterious forces, my emotions and desires. I want to be loved. I want to be remembered for something bigger than myself. I don’t want to be forgotten by the ones I hold dear in this place. I’m afraid that my faith is not strong enough, that my God is not near anymore, that I am no longer able to hear His voice. And that I will not, where I am going. I fear that there will be no place for me when I return. That this tight, choking feeling in my throat is but an echo of the greater fear and uncertainty I’ll face in the days to come. [there is no fear in love. perfect love casts out fear.]
The brave words I speak to those who question are true. But my uncertainty is no less true.