3 months gone

We are settling into this new phase of life; enjoying the little things you never realize you’ll appreciate so much.



“Do you, Josh, take Sara to be your wife? Do you promise to respect, love, honor, and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her?”

“Made free by the blood of Christ and bound by His love, I promise to be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, to love you without reservation, to serve you with tenderness and respect, to be honest with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live.”

“Receive this ring as a seal upon my vows to you. May it be a reminder of how much I love you this day and always. With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.”


this is what love looks like

like your hands working the kinks out of my neck.

like taking a breath and biting back those harsh words.

like staring at your silhouette in the dark and not being able to believe that this is real life.

“The greatest intimacy with others and with God comes during those times you stop hiding your desires to be perfect, admit your crookedness, and embrace love–risking the rejection of others who relate to you based on your performance. If you are rejected in the midst of your honesty and transparency, you were relating to someone who has never fully comprehended the difference between personhood and performance. Those who reject you should feel your pity, not your anger.”

Wade Burleson, former IMB trustee


Spring is hypothetically almost here in Astana; the city has begun to put up lights and giant flower decor for the Central Asian New Year, Nauryz, which falls next weekend.  Despite this heralding, there is a буран currently in progress outside, and the snow does not seem to be relinquishing its hold easily.  

I’m really bad about blogging events that happen, and most of my thoughts in the new year have been too tumultuous for anything other than the privacy of my journal.  Never in my life has so much of my sin been revealed to me, and its ugliness matches the grey, muddy streets and dampens my spirits all too often.  He gives much grace.

I often dream about ransacking Trader Joe’s, drinking wine on a porch with friends, and attending concerts again.

deep and dazzling darkness

I reread one of my favorite novels this week, A Ring of Endless Light, by Madeleine L’Engle.  An open letter to the author on McSweeney’s reminded me how much I needed to absorb some of the things in that book afresh.  So.  A few of those things:

“Prayer was never meant to be magic,” Mother said. “Then why bother with it?” Suzy scowled. “Because it’s an act of love.”


“How do you pray for someone like that?”  Grandfather held out his open hand, palm up. “There are many different ways. I simply take him into my heart, and then put him into God’s hand.” Again he smiled. “That sounds like rather an athletic feat, doesn’t it? Nevertheless, it’s as close as I can come to telling you.”


that every life is noted and is cherished / and nothing loved is ever lost or perished

There is in God, some say, / A deep but dazzling darkness: as men here / Say it is late and dusky, because they / See not all clear. / O for that Night, where I in him / Might live invisible and dim!

For all of that talk, I can’t bring myself to do it.  My thrifty parents have rubbed off on me far too much, it seems.  I’m going to be responsible and buy some new boxes of contacts.

veni, vidi…

I think that continuing to try to divide my writing into serious here and un-serious elsewhere might tend to create a false impression or dichotomy of my life.  In reality, there are lots of both kinds of thoughts and I think I’ve decided that they all belong in one place.  Dwelling side by side can’t hurt.  Besides, Tumblr is kind of a wasteland and I’d like to get away from it.

That being said, tonight I saw the corniest movie that has possibly ever been made.  Really, that statement needs no qualifiers.  It’s definitely the corniest I’ve ever seen.  My friend Rachel got tickets to a screening of Letters to Juliet and asked if I wanted to tag along.  Agreeing with some trepidation since I generally dislike romantic comedies; I came, I saw, I predicted every plot twist well in advance.

The final straw?  The moment a Taylor Swift song began to play as the camera soared over the sunny Italian countryside.  Classic.